Creating Safety for the Human Spirit

 

Adulting on Autopilot

     We spend so much of our lives learning how to behave. Be responsible, be productive, be mature, be practical. Don't be too loud, don't be too silly, don't act younger than your age, don't be weird, and don't embarrass yourself.

     Eventually, we can become so practiced at editing ourselves that we forget what we're actually like when we're not trying to make ourselves acceptable. We can get an urge to follow a whimsical moment within, but then that little voice also appears:

"That's silly."

"You're too old for that."

"People are going to think you're weird."

"You should be doing something more productive."
 

     We can become our own harshest critics without even realizing when it happened. Creating safety can begin with becoming curious about where those rules came from and whether they still belong to us.

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My Autopilot Was Interrupted Unexpectedly in 2021

     I was following the rules. I was crossing the street, waiting for the pedestrian signal. I watched the timer begin counting down before stepping into the crosswalk. I had made it a little over halfway across.

Twenty-one seconds left on the clock.

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     Then an SUV making a left-hand turn struck me from behind at about twenty miles per hour. I was knocked unconscious on impact. When I woke up in the ambulance, I was shocked that I had been hit by a vehicle in a lit crosswalk.

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And in the middle of that realization came another one: "There were so many things I still wanted to do before I die."

One of them was publishing my book. That had to happen.

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     Another realization came later. I was still living according to rules I had learned from my parents when I was a child. I was an adult living on my own now. Why was I still living in the shadows of my past by rules that never fit me to begin with? What was I doing?

That question opened an old wound.

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Curiosity Brought Back Wonder
 

     As a child, I had been curious about witchcraft. I was told it was evil and that it had no place in our household, so I abandoned that curiosity out of fear of familial repercussions.

     After the accident, I wanted to explore the elements, magic, and the sense of wonder I had once pushed away. Getting hit by that SUV brought my curiosity back.

     I began observing nature again, paying attention to unique plants, researching and identifying them, then cross-referencing their folklore and correspondences.

     Connecting with my imagination and creativity in ways I hadn't before taught me more about what brought me joy. I had always been curious and adventurous.

     Those parts of me hadn't disappeared; they had simply been edited out of the life I thought I was supposed to be living.
 

     Years later, when my mother told me she was proud of me for choosing my own path and finding what made sense for me, I was surprised that she wasn't condemning me or telling me that I needed to change.

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Safety Gives Us Room to Be Ourselves
 

     Safety begins within, but it can extend outward. External safety gives the spirit somewhere to breathe, while internal safety gives it permission to come out.
 

     For me, creating internal safety has meant becoming curious about the parts of myself I once learned to suppress. By giving myself permission to explore something without immediately deciding whether it is practical, productive, age-appropriate, or acceptable to someone else, I am creating safety for my human spirit to flourish.

     There is nothing inherently immature about play, and there is nothing frivolous about curiosity. Getting excited about something simply because it interests us doesn't make us less responsible or less grown. What feels authentic, nourishing, and aligned will be different for each of us.

     Life is not only about surviving responsibilities, meeting expectations, and becoming who everyone else thinks we should be. This is about creating safety for our human spirit to find those tiny joys.

 

     We are here to experience our lives, too.